Heartache, Loss, and Scars by Pastor Matt Swiatkowski

Today’s Passage – Genesis 45 – 47 (Click on the references to listen to the audio – Click here to view the passage from Blue Letter Bible)

(Second Milers also read – Mark 7 – 8; Proverbs 18; Psalms 86 – 90)

Listen to this morning’s Scripture song – James 4:10

Read the “0118 Evening and Morning“ devotion for today, by the late Charles Haddon Spurgeon.

Read previous posts from this passage – “A Change of Plans,” “Just Let It Go,” “Reconciliation,” and “The Big Picture”

Heartache and loss are among the most universal human experiences, yet they can also be deeply isolating. When we face pain, we often feel as if we are the only ones walking through a storm. Friends and family may be around us, but there can be a sense of loneliness that words fail to express. The Bible is very honest about this, and even our Savior is shown suffering, as mentioned in:

Isa 53:3 He is despised and rejected of men; a man of sorrows, and acquainted with grief: and we hid as it were our faces from him; he was despised, and we esteemed him not.

Loss and disappointment take many forms; sometimes it’s the loss of a loved one, sometimes the end of a friendship, and other times the collapse of a dream once held with confidence. At other times, it’s what we might call a quiet loss, the things no one sees us grieving over. These are not marked by public ceremonies, no greeting cards are made for them, and yet they can hurt just as deeply.

As you read your Bible, you will notice that God never belittles the emotional reality of grief. David writes with deep emotion:

Psa 6:6 I am weary with my groaning; all the night make I my bed to swim; I water my couch with my tears.

We know that Jeremiah is called the weeping prophet, and we see Job sitting in silence because no words will come. We even see our Savior weeping at the tomb of Lazarus.

Pain reveals what truly matters to us. You do not grieve over what you have never loved. Heartache shows that our hearts were involved, that we invested in something, and that our intentions were genuine. While sorrow itself is not pleasant, God uses it to reveal our affections, loyalties, and values. He does this not to condemn us but to shape us. The psalmist confesses:

Psa 119:67 Before I was afflicted I went astray: but now have I kept thy word.

The affliction was not wasted; it brought clarity. Through grief, many discover and realize what truly matters, who faithfully stands by them, and what they trusted in more than Christ. Although pain is real, it’s not final. The gospel does not merely offer a way through grief; it offers a Redeemer who transforms it. Christ does not give us a survival manual; He gives resurrection.

While we all strive to avoid sorrow-and naturally hope to do so-we must recognize that, in God, sorrow can be overcome. When I was a young man, I once read that a person can’t be a good preacher until he’s experienced a broken heart. At the time, I didn’t fully understand what that meant; I only knew I wanted to avoid heartbreak. Over the years, however, I have suffered a broken heart on many occasions: through the loss of loved ones, the loss of friends, and heartaches in ministry. These experiences have shaped me into a better, more compassionate, and more tender person. Although I always felt empathy for those who were hurting, my own sorrows have deepened my compassion and made me a much better person.

The psalmist made this clear when he wrote:

Psa 30:5 …weeping may endure for a night, but joy cometh in the morning.

Both night and morning are a part of the verse. This means that God acknowledges the reality of night while promising certainty in the morning. The journey does not simply move on; the Christian moves forward with scars that honor where they’ve been and with grace that points them to where God is taking them. When we read the book of Job, we see this dear man and his world collapse. We read with anger as his friends try to fix him with explanations-and fail miserably. And often, their theology was questionable. A careful reading of the book of Job reveals that God never rebuked Job for his emotions, but He did confront his friends for weaponizing doctrine against a wounded man. When Jesus comforted His disciples, He did not provide charts and timetables; He gave them Himself. He said,

John 14:18 I will not leave you comfortless: I will come to you.

I remind you that God’s comfort is not sterile; it’s personal. I have learned that God does not answer all the questions of why in this life, but He offers something better: the Who.

We receive the presence of the Shepherd, the one who cares for the sheep. We remember what the psalmist said:

Psa 23:4 Yea, though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death, I will fear no evil: for thou art with me; thy rod and thy staff they comfort me.

We notice there is no promise of avoiding the valley; we will go through it. But we are assured that we are not walking alone.

You need to understand something, and one of the great mysteries of grace is that those who hurt deeply often serve most effectively. God never wastes pain. Your broken heart becomes an open door. Many of the greatest servants of Christ have spoken from wounded places, and their words carried weight because they understood. Paul writes:

2 Cor 1:3-4 Blessed be God, even the Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, the Father of mercies, and the God of all comfort; Who comforteth us in all our tribulation, that we may be able to comfort them which are in any trouble, by the comfort wherewith we ourselves are comforted of God.

That verse or those verses describe the sacred flow of comfort. God heals you so that you can help heal others. Your heart becomes a seed for ministry, and your tears become tools in the hands of God, while your testimony becomes a shelter for someone else who’s walking through the night you once knew all too well.

Everybody has scars, ones people can see and ones they cannot. For many years, I was self-conscious about my hands because they are very scarred. Most people know I was a plumber, but we also did heating and oil burner work. I was an oil burner mechanic, and #2 oil was always on our hands. Then came the harsh hand cleaners, and they would dry out the skin until every knuckle cracked, bled, healed, cracked, and bled again. Eventually, all my knuckles on both hands were nothing but scar tissue.

People would stare at my hands, and I’d become self-conscious. Occasionally, someone would ask what happened, and depending on my mood, I had a couple of one-liners ready. One fellow asked if I was a boxer. I said, “Yes, when I was in college in Florida, I boxed oranges.”

What I noticed was that in the summer, when my hands darkened in the sun, the scars became more visible because scar tissue does not tan. Scars stand out in the light.

My friends, the closer we draw to the Lord Jesus Christ, the more our scars will show. But the Lord uses those scars to help us and to help others. People can look at my hands and say, “This man worked for a living.” The unseen scars of the heart and soul say something even deeper – that we have lived, we have hurt, we have cried, we have struggled, and we have endured. Those are the very scars God uses to minister to other wounded people. You will not find a single person in scripture that God used who did not have emotional scars in their life.

We remember after the resurrection and how Thomas was told that Christ has risen and his reaction. He was very blunt and said:

John 20:25 …Except I shall see in his hands the print of the nails, and put my finger into the print of the nails, and thrust my hand into his side, I will not believe.

We remember how a few days later the Lord would show up and present his scars to Thomas, showing him his hand and his side, and how Thomas reacted at that moment.

John 20:28 And Thomas answered and said unto him, My Lord and my God.

Our Lord was not ashamed of His scars, and neither should we. The Lord used those scars to help a very discouraged preacher, and maybe it would be wise to use your scars to minister to others.

Finally, we lose heart precisely because we were not built for death, separation, betrayal, or endings. These entered the world through sin, not through God’s original design. That’s why heaven is described in terms of removal:

Rev 21:4 And God shall wipe away all tears from their eyes; and there shall be no more death, neither sorrow, nor crying, neither shall there be any more pain: for the former things are passed away.

It’s the restoration of what was lost at Eden. For us as believers, sorrow is never wasted, and I want you to understand that it’s never forever. Heartache may take chapters, but God holds the pen, the Author writes with wisdom, and He writes with the end already in mind.

Editor’s Note – Pastor Matt did an awesome job dealing with a topic that resonates with all of us because at some level we have all experienced heartache and loss. We would love to hear your thoughts. Leave a comment!


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